Catholic Novenas, Saint Devotionals & Live Rosary Today from the Holy Land
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I am a bad Catholic. I don’t go to mass on Sundays or generally treat people very well or do any acts of love or help people etc. It’s not because I don’t want to but because I feel powerless to do these things and unable to change. Being gay makes it harder because I feel I cannot commit fully to the faith, I’ll always need to be living in sin and cannot participate fully in the Church. So I’m an outsider, in both camps. And to be virtuous is hard.
In any case, I have been struggling with various sufferings which have caused me to become bitter, depressed and angry with God. I never talk to Jesus or Mary anymore as I feel exasperated with them. They have forsaken me in my suffering. Innumerable prayers have been said and numerous masses offered but nothing has happened. And that has left me feeling angry, hurt and weakened my faith. Despite this, I’ve always prayed to the saints. Everyday. They have been good to me and I sometimes feel consolation turning to them rather than to God (consolation being a luxury for me in prayer).
I pray especially to Blessed Alberto Marvelli and St. Joseph, entrusting to them literally everything in my life. I believe that, perhaps if it was not for them I would have lost my faith entirely and succumbed to negative thoughts long ago.
I continue to pray everyday. Not a lot, just a few Hail Marys in honour of the saints. That is literally all I can manage most of the time.
I still find it hard sometimes to believe, to hope and to carry the guilt and shame. I hope that the saints will one day help me to be the person I would like to be.
Hai, im truly proud of your dedication and hope by clinging to God and His people. He is gentle and loving God and faithful one even if you felt like He is not there for you but i can assure you He is the faithful one, He will always be there watching you when you’re at your lowest.
My journey was not easy too as the scripture says may those who has ears hear and as Jesus spoke in parables because our hearts and minds are away from Him and hardened. I was seeking Him everyday and week the first couple months my soul always faint away from the scripture readings and homily in my church. But I decided to keep seeking Him because I have seen enough and know so much that He is the Love that I need and Love that so faithful one. Time by time I began to understand and see and hear Him more clearly after a year of looking Him through His words(Bible) and His people(The Church). Our hearts and minds were hardened not because we want it but because the world has so much noise and corruption that snatches us away from Him.
One thing I wanna share dear, I tried to seek Him in my heart but turned out He is one with my heart and He wants me to seek Him with my heart as the lenses or eyes in my daily life. Dear, pray like you talking to Him as The Father loves you and accepts Him in your life starting from your heart and may He changes you from your heart. May His peace, love and joy always be with you.
I have been praying asking Saint Rita to intercede for me I did some tests and the results were not favorable I had to repeat them today and all Glory and praise and honor to God the results just came back negative I am so overwhelmed thank you saint Rita for interceding for me I know you really did thank you I’ll continue to pray and ask you to intercede always amen
God bless you, Nicola
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